For the first time in my life, I spent Thanksgiving by myself.
And it was surprisingly okay. Those who know me know I am absolutely obsessive about Thanksgiving. I always make the food myself because I simply can’t trust another human being to make everything in the true New England manner into which I was indoctrinated (for Thanksgiving, anyway). That means absolutely no giblets in the gravy, stuffing outside the bird (and please don’t even think about putting raisons or oysters in the stuffing!), and a minimum of four pies with all-butter crusts. There are always traditional apple, pecan and pumpkin pies. Then there is the Roving Pie. And sometimes there is the Decoy Pie. About a week before Thanksgiving, people around the country start asking me what the Roving Pie for the year will be.
But this year they were met with silence. No Roving Pie—or any pie for that matter. Heartbreakingly, my sister-in-law’s husband, Kevin, passed away a few days before Thanksgiving, so my husband, of course, had to rush to Wisconsin to be with his sister, his mother, and all the many, many people who knew and loved Kevin.
We quickly contacted our dinner guests to say we would have to cancel the long-anticipated meal and that was that. So these days that I have been alone at the beach, I have had plenty of time to think about life and the joys and pains that come along with the basic fact of living. What did I conclude?
First, Gary and I have had a rough 2016. My dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in January and died August 30. About that same time, I was diagnosed with achalasia, a bizarre and very rare swallowing disorder (more about this in a future post). About the same time as that (seriously, these all happened in the course of four days), Gary’s mom fell and broke her hip and had to have emergency surgery. Then, in early October, our beach island was slammed with Hurricane Matthew. Our car was totaled as was our golf cart. Gary’s beloved workshop and tools were heavily damaged or destroyed. And, now, Kevin’s passing.
But here is what I thought about these last several days. I have so much to be thankful for, it’s hard to feel blue just because I’m alone for Thanksgiving. Even when I’m sad, thinking about the heartbreak of losing people we love, I am still thankful. Here’s just a snippet of my many blessings:
Even though both of my mom and dad are gone, their lives continue to influence mine. They were wonderful parents and during the holidays, all I have are sweet memories of the great times we shared. From the time my mom dropped the turkey and it slid across the kitchen floor while everyone was waiting in the dining room (“I’m carving the turkey now” she called out as she picked up the smooshed bird and we both could hardly breathe for laughing so hard) to the time my dad bought my sister and me skis and everything that went with them even though none of us knew how to ski, Christmas and Thanksgiving provide anchors of memories that will last for a lifetime. My parents travelled the world and ingrained that curiosity for life into me.
As soon as anyone found out I was going to be alone for Thanksgiving, they invited me to their home to share their meal. Even though I declined all invitations, it was wonderful to be reminded that I have many friends who care and lots and lots of people around me who I can call on if I have need.
Even though achalasia makes swallowing a challenge, for some reason I have no difficultly singing in the choir. In fact, I tend to have about a two-hour window after singing when I can eat almost normally (if you call eating soft foods normal).
While we suffered some loss with the hurricane, it is nothing compared to what so many others experienced. And while Matthew was devastating to property, no one in South Carolina died from the storm.
And, finally, while it’s sad that my brother-in-law is gone, he impacted untold lives during his 59 years. He leaves behind a great wife (my sister-in-law, Barbara), three terrific adult kids (Zach, Peter and Andrew), their beautiful wives, and their quiver full of children. Around 300 people came to the funeral during a holiday weekend to express their thankfulness for Kevin’s life.
No one ever said life would be easy. I used to tell my daughter, Grace, “Be careful what you whine about because life can always get worse.” And even when it does, it’s still good.
But just in case you were wondering, this is why I didn’t make pies.